As Darkness Falls
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: Set during the holidays, Reids mother passes away while Reid is there.As he keeps her death a secret he does something to try and end the pain, he starts cutting and suddenly he can't stop. What happens when the team finds out?


**I've been having this idea circling around for a while,a nd don't worry I plan on updating Kidnapped and trying to finish that story REALLY soon. And yes I am being cruel to Reid sorry this isn't a happy feel good Christmas story! I'll write one later to make up for this doozy.**

It was the holidays. The BAU couldn't stop talking about what they were planning. Garcia was going to go stay with JJ over Christmas and spend time with her and Will and Henry. Morgan was going to visit his family, Hotch was going to spend time with Jessica and Jack while Rossi would spend time with his cousins.

Everyone knew Reid was staying with his mother but they were surprised by how depressed he seemed while getting ready to go on vacation.

"Everything okay, Reid?" Morgan asked.

"What? Oh yeah, everything's fine," lied Reid.

"You know Spence, if you get home early you can always visit us," JJ suggested and Reid gave her a sad smile. He didn't tell anyone, not wanting to spoil their vacation, but his mother had gotten worse, a lot worse.

They didn't think she'd make it past the holidays. This would probably be the last time he ever saw her.

He was used to dealing with things by himself. This was how he wanted to handle it.

He laughed and joked with them, and pretended things were normal and finally people believed it.

He was a good actor, he had to be around a bunch of profilers.

* * *

It was at night when it happened. He was with her at the end, holding her hand as she drifted in and out of sleep.

They had made it past Christmas, at least. They didn't give each other preseants but being around each other was enough for both of them. He hated seeing her so weak.

At the end he was almost glad it was time. At least she wouldn't be in any pain.

She remembered him finally before she drifted. She opened her eyes and whispered his name.

"Spencer...You came."

"Of course mom." He kissed her hand. "Of course I came."

It was after midnight when she past. He sat and cried by her bed the rest of the night.

* * *

He was the only one, besides the nurses, that came at first to the service. He knew his team would have come but he didn't want to ruin the holidays.

He watched them lower her into the ground by a tree near a river. He heard footsteps and turned around and saw his father there with a sad expression.

"You came," he said in a stunned voice.

William nodded.

"I couldn't have you go through this alone," he said softly. He placed his hand on Reid's shoulder as they watched them lower the coffin. "Your team's not here?"

"They don't know about it."

"They should...Spencer, don't cut them out now, not when you're going to need them the most."

"I'm used to handling stuff alone."

William closed his eyes.

"And that's my fault. For that I am sorry."

Reid said nothing, he didn't know what to say.

"I loved her you know. I never stopped loving her. Or you."

"I know." Reid's voice was barely audible, his throat closed.

"Thanks," he said softly. "For coming..."

William nodded and squeezed his shoulder.

* * *

Reid stared at himself in the bathroom. He wanted the pain to go away. To numb it a bit.

He knew he couldnt' get himself addicted to drugs again. If he got caught he'd be kicked out of the FBI. Not to mention he didn't want to be a drug addict...but just something to make it stop, for him to focus on something else.

He stared at a knife in front of him.

He knew how stupid cutting was..but he also knew he was smarter than most people and knew where to cut and where not to cut. He would cut above the wrists...but not very much. Only enough to feel something.

He slowly raised the knife, trembled slightly. He had only cut once, when he was a 12 and kept getting beaten up at high school. He felt so alone and lost then, like he felt now. And the pain helped with the emotional stuff.

He was able to stop then and he'd be able to stop now and no would would ever know.

If only things were that simple.

**I know this is an odd one for me, but I've been wanting to do it for a while.**


End file.
